Friday, July 14, 2017

Funny Friday - Five Things I Wish They'd Told Me Before I Became a Parent

Before I met my husband, I had pretty much given up on any idea of getting married or having kids.  I was in the process of making my peace with it.  Then we met, all the sparks flew, and we got married and then got pregnant on our honeymoon.  Our daughter was born on May, 19, 2009.  We went on to have two more kids, a boy on May 10, 2011, and another girl on August 21, 2013.  I managed to learn a lot about parenting from my parents before they passed away (all too soon, as I was only 19 when my dad died and 23 when my mom did).  But there are a few things I wish they'd taught me...things I wish I'd known before I embarked on this legendary journey they call parenthood!

This is meant to be a Funny Friday post, so please know that a) I love my children more than life itself, and b) my tongue is firmly implanted in my cheek here.

1. Three year olds say the same things over, and over, and over again.  Just after my 30th birthday, before I met my husband, I went to see a friend who had a three-year-old and she sang the last line to the theme from Bob the Builder incessantly.  At the time, I thought it was cute.  My youngest singing nonsense made-up lyrics at the top of her lungs?  Not so much.

2. You will watch the same episodes of the same mind-numbingly stupid TV shows over and over again.  I never realized how annoying that is until I had kids.  Granted, I can still binge-watch Friends, Grey's Anatomy, and the Harry Potter movies ad infinitum, but some of these shows my kids watch really grate on my nerves.  I can't tell you how many ridiculous episodes of Sponge Bob Square Pants I've watched (this one is particularly hated by the adults in this house, at the risk of incurring the wrath of millions).  And we confine it to the upstairs TVs!  Luckily, we have a few that we adults like, such as Bubble Guppies, Paw Patrol, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

3. At some point during each day - I'm serious, EVERY.  DAMN.  DAY. - you will end up sticky.  They will cajole and whine and plead until you make them French toast for breakfast, and then every surface in your house is sticky, and you get it on your hands, or anyplace else you touch.  If it's not maple syrup, they're spilling juice or soda or running around the house with a piece of Laffy Taffy that some well-meaning adult gave them at one function or another...

4. Quiet in your house means the apocalypse is near.  Never trust kids under 10 that are too quiet.  Quiet in a house full of little kids is death.  It means they have gotten into trouble and are trying to cover their tracks without you finding out, or they're doing something that they know is going to get them into trouble!

And taking the tongue out of my cheek...

5. I always was jealous of my older sister and younger brother.  My mom was always exhorting me to be more like my older sister.  And my brother...he was the prince.  He could do no wrong.  I honestly thought that my parents loved my sister and brother more than me.  But what I learned as I had my own family was as that the family size increased, my capacity to love actually grew more.  Even so, I am reassuring my kids of this all the time.  When I met my husband, I had never loved anyone like I loved him.  Until we had our daughter.  Then I loved her more.  Until I had my son, then I loved him even more, and I loved my daughter and husband more too!  Our baby girl, who is now 3, completed our little family.  We have our ups and downs but most of the time, we're doing OK!  And there's always a lot of love.

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